Fucked up life.

--------------------------------------------

WARNING

This is a blog post of me bitching about life. If you don't want to hear it, don't read it. You've been warned.

END WARNING

--------------------------------------------

A few weeks ago, I texted an old friend of mine because she popped up in my thoughts. She said she was where she thought she'd be at this point in her life, and I have to say I agree. I'm at a breaking point right now, myself, and I'm not sure what to do anymore. Here's a list of my current grievances with life.

1. I'm stuck living at home with my parents.
2. Said parents do not have AC, and have not all summer. Texas summers are routinely over 100 degrees, and the nights, though cooler, arn't much better when the insulation keeps the heat from the day inside. In other words, I'm slowly cooking every minute I'm at home.
3. Being overheated all day has caused minor dehydration issues throughout the day, as well as making me feel sick whenever I'm home for more than an hour. As well, being in the heat all the time has severely crippled my appetite, and I haven't eaten more than a few bites of food a day (if anything) in the past month. I've actually lost weight to the point where I need new pants (and I'm already skin and bones.)
4. My laptop hard drive fried, and in order to repair it, I need to buy a new copy of Windows 7, which runs around $200. As well, I lost literally everything - resume, portfolio pictures, personal documents, everything.
5. The majority of my friends have moved to Austin, which, while great for them, leaves me lonely more than I'd like.
6. My California trip, which was supposed to be my graduation present, was postponed again. It was originally planned for June, then got pushed to July, now it's late August/early September. We'll see if it even happens at all.
7. I feel as though I wasted 4 years of my life at college. I am in absolutely no way prepared to work as a professional Audio Engineer. The internship I did did not help and has left me jaded to trying another.
8. My car is in exponentially increasing bad shape. Upon driving home, it has decided it wants to shake violently every time it idles, to the point where I no longer feel as though it's drivable.
9. I will likely have to quit my new job, as it's a delivery job and my car has decided I don't need money right now (it's very, very wrong, I desperately do.)
10. I'm broke, there arn't many jobs coming for Austin, and see above for the problem with my most recent job.
11. I'm completely head over heels for a girl who sees me strictly as a friend, with no signs of that changing. This, perhaps, is nothing new for me, except this girl is in a whole other league than most of the women I've been attracted to in the past. As cliche as it sounds, she makes me want to be a better person, and I'd rather be just friends with her than date anyone else right now.
12. I've lost more friends this summer than I've made, which is awful considering I was actively trying to make friends all summer.

This summer has completely shaken my entire concept of Karma, as I've been nothing but kind and generous with my friends, my family, and strangers. I try not to talk about my problems too much, and hugely appreciate the people who've listened when I do. But, seriously, this isn't right. I'm tired of life stomping and kicking the shit out of me when I've done nothing to deserve it. I just want things to be normal for awhile, not good, not bad, just normal, because this "Let's see what we can do to make Bobby more miserable" game it's playing is shit. Thanks for listening, hit me up on my cell if you want to talk.

END BITCHING